A moment of panic.
With what has now become a characteristic second second-thought, I almost applied to an MA program at the New School for Social Research. I figured that with one quasi-Marxist-approaching-Hitler already occupying the basement, I might as well carry the fight to the same turf. Right on cue, Pink Floyd played on the radio and a Kantian turn infused reason into my noumenal self which had been momentarily Earth-bound. So, um, Dr. Hobswam, I've gotta give you a miss for now.
I hate this. It's March of 2008, and I'll be biting my nails till the March (April, even) of 2009. I find myself constantly thinking about this nonsensical process of having to prove my academic potential to a committee of clueless, overworked, dreary-eyed objectivists, who'd play it safe by relying on GRE percentiles. I'm not saying I'm something like the best thing to happen to moral philosophy since John Rawls, but I'm an honest student of politics: I debate without provocation, I listen without hesitation, I read without prejudice. I think from things. Or, at least, I used to.
The last few days have been an exercise in trying to will my concentration to last longer than that fleeting second, in evaluating and re-evaluating my readiness and competence in doing doctoral work, on jotting down ideas/thoughts so as not to forget them (yep, it's that bad) and dreaming of a time when I'll be reading these words and smiling to myself.
In reality, I think it'll be easier for me once I get into a program - I got sick as balls just to pass outta high school, had to make my pet cow climb trees to get into college, but once in there, I made progress. I learnt things. Subsequently, I was swept into my MA program by the general inertia of things happening around me. I'm not suggesting that gradschool shall be a breeze, but for me, I believe it'll be the getting in (a.k.a. me throwing off the yoke of negativity which I've left hanging around myself for far too long) which'll be more difficult. In any case, it shan't happen in a moment of panic.
I hate this. It's March of 2008, and I'll be biting my nails till the March (April, even) of 2009. I find myself constantly thinking about this nonsensical process of having to prove my academic potential to a committee of clueless, overworked, dreary-eyed objectivists, who'd play it safe by relying on GRE percentiles. I'm not saying I'm something like the best thing to happen to moral philosophy since John Rawls, but I'm an honest student of politics: I debate without provocation, I listen without hesitation, I read without prejudice. I think from things. Or, at least, I used to.
The last few days have been an exercise in trying to will my concentration to last longer than that fleeting second, in evaluating and re-evaluating my readiness and competence in doing doctoral work, on jotting down ideas/thoughts so as not to forget them (yep, it's that bad) and dreaming of a time when I'll be reading these words and smiling to myself.
In reality, I think it'll be easier for me once I get into a program - I got sick as balls just to pass outta high school, had to make my pet cow climb trees to get into college, but once in there, I made progress. I learnt things. Subsequently, I was swept into my MA program by the general inertia of things happening around me. I'm not suggesting that gradschool shall be a breeze, but for me, I believe it'll be the getting in (a.k.a. me throwing off the yoke of negativity which I've left hanging around myself for far too long) which'll be more difficult. In any case, it shan't happen in a moment of panic.
Labels: PhD
posted by Anurag at
7:04 PM
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